i am a wife, not a girlfriend

i am a wife, not a girlfriend

So I was looking through the photos in my iphone last night, to see which ones I could delete… clearly I had gotten the ‘you can’t take any more pictures message’ due to my phone being full. Anyway back to what I was saying, as I was looking through the photos, I ran across a picture I took December 2012 holding up a shirt that reads “i am a wife, not a girlfriend”.


Initially I thought, I’ll post it on instagram as a #throwbackthursday (also known as #tbt ) photo.  As I began to try to determine what I could say, what I would say, I felt like an instagram post alone just wasn’t right. The more I thought about it, the more things I thought to say about it.

The picture reminded me, how often we, as women, forget who and what we are; how often we forget our worth and our position.

And if it’s forgotten, we are susceptible to move from that perspective and position and then are frustrated when we are not treated as we think we should be.

I saw a facebook post last week that said, ‘A man’s approach is based on a woman’s presentation” and this spoke volumes to me.

Maybe, the guy you want to view you in a different light keeps coming at you like you’re his next door neighbor, because that’s how you’re presenting yourself to him. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that if a laid back relationship is what both of you want. However, if you’re looking for something different, you’re going to have to change how you perceive yourself, and how you project and present yourself to others.

Let me be clear in saying, that this is not about how you present yourself in attire as much as it is about how you present yourself in aura, ie. the energy you bring, the level of confidence you have and pizazz or excitement that exudes from within.

The term je ne sais quoi  literally means ‘I don’t know what it is, but there’s a certain something about her…’

The certain something is your worth! One of the biggest differences between a wife and girlfriend… is that she’s worth it. When a man proposes he is literally saying you are worth this ring, my last name, the wedding, the honeymoon, the vows, this commitment, our children, the joking I’m going to have to deal with from my boys for getting married, the house, our bank account; whatever he has to offer at the moment and through the journey of life with his new partner, she’s worth it.

And know this, her worth started way before the ring was put on her finger.

One of my favorite songs right now, is Katy Perry’s Love Me. In it she says,

“But now, I don’t negotiate with insecurities
They always seem to get the best of me
I found I had to love myself, the way I want you to

Love me, no more second guessing
No, there’s no more questioning
I’ll be the one defining who I’m gonna be
No concealing feelings, or changing seasonly
I’m gonna love myself, the way I want you to love me”

This is what self worth boils down to, loving yourself the way you want and expect people to love you.

Instead of constantly raving about how ready you are to be married, work on presenting yourself as worth it; as a wife, not a girlfriend!

What does the phrase say to you? Do you find or have you ever found yourself settling for a role lessor than your worth?


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