Dear Denyce,

Do you believe if women have issues with other women, ex: making statements such as “I don’t trust women, that’s why I prefer to hang out with men”, “Women can’t be trusted, they’re catty and two-faced.”, etc, that it means those women have self-esteem issues? This was a statement I heard earlier today and would like your thoughts on it. Thank you!

Dear Anonymous,

Making those types of comments can definitely be the result of insecurities.

Either she, the person making those comments, doesn’t know how to trust women because they’ve mistreated, misguided, or betrayed her in the past…

Or as you’ve suggested she’s not confident enough to know how to share the stage with other women without feeling like something is being taken away from her…

She’s not threatened by men because they aren’t (well most of them aren’t) competing with her to be a woman…

While this doesn’t solve her problem (because there are a world of lying, petty, and two-faced men) it does cover the real issue she may have within.

…maybe her mother abandoned her at a young age

…maybe her grandmother took care of her but resented it the whole time and made her feel worthless

…maybe her childhood best friend played an evil trick on her in grade school and she vowed never to befriend females again

…maybe her father wasn’t around to reinforce her worth and now the validation she receives from guys is lessened when other women come around

…or maybe she just doesn’t know how to choose good friends and all the women around her are a little crappy

The bottom line is she could feel that way for a number of reasons, but if she indeed does have self-esteem issues that’s more of a reason for you not to be catty, two-faced, dishonest, or a spotlight hog around her.

Be the example she needs to be proven wrong and not only will you have dispelled her stereotype of women, you will have made a friend!

ℒℴѵℯ,

Denyce Nikole

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