SEX: the icing, NOT the cake

SEX: the icing, NOT the cake

in the midst of having a conversation about the fact that i’ve chosen to remain celibate until i’m married (yes; even though i already have two children) a friend made the remark that it would be sad to see me not get married, because of how good of a girl i am, but more importantly because in this day and age its going to be really hard to find a guy, that i like, who is also willing to be in a sexless relationship until marriage…

the first thing i said, is that just because it may be hard doesn’t mean it’s impossible…

secondly, i said this:

(and it was so the holy spirit because i had never even thought about it before…it just came out my mouth)

sex is the icing on the cake of a relationship, it is NOT the cake!if it was your birthday and all that was served was icing you’d be mad

when sex is introduced into a relationship where there is no trust and commitment (ie marriage) it covers up the reality of the relationship…the reality that you and whoever you’re having sex with probably don’t have the same views spiritually, or about how you might raise kids one day… or maybe you don’t agree on how involved you’re parents will be in your relationship, or you haven’t figured out that neither of you can handle the finances…

but because you’re lost in the sauce of this 3 second orgasm you never think about it and/or talk about it

then the day comes when the sex is old

you’ve enjoyed the sweet icing as long as you could without getting a toothache or a sugar rush & now you want substance…

you’re looking for the moist cake that is supposed to be buried somewhere underneath the icing

but guess what? it’s not there!

let’s say cakes consist of:

eggs (there are going to be things you have to crack open to be able to use what’s inside of your mate)

flour (things that hold your relationship together)

sugar (things that are really sweet)

salt (and things that make you a little salty)

butter (things that smooth the relationship out)

& vanilla extract (things about the both of you that add flavor)

these ingredients have to be measured, mixed, poured, baked, and cooled before the icing is added

likewise i say relationships are so much more than just sex!

and they too have to be measured, mixed, poured, baked and cooled (which all happens during the friendship and courtship phases of relationships) before the icing is added (which can happen once a couple is married) IF your goal is to make a treat to be shared and enjoyed…

so the next time you and the person you think you’re interested in start talking about considering sex, first remember 1 Thessalonians 4:3

“God wants you to live a pure life. Keep yourselves from sexual promiscuity.”

then remember that SEX is the icing NOT the cake!


Denyce Nikole


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